Tales From a Mace and Lifeless Tailor
by dokurod
Summary: "The troops of the Dark Lord of the Middle-earth march to confront men and elves, as Sauron encounters who could be a powerful ally... She is the Myth. He is the Legend. Together, they will rewrite history. The forces of hell cannot compare to them, for they are the forces of hell itself."


Author's Note: This is a Collaboration between xKaoSusiShura and Khoronobus, all lotr and hobbit things already owned go to their respective owners.

Fiery eyes of orange inspect the horizon over the black gate. He has built himself a throne on the top of the colossal walls to be able to spy the lands of the men and elves. His Uruks roar at his feet, as the colossal male stands up. He oversizes the already huge orcs with two bodies.

With a flash of red, the heavy armor forms around his body, while he raises the mace. The voice of the shadows of Mordor fills the sky, shaking the land under their feet- "Come, mortals, for I, the hand of the shadows, will end all light, until you're engulfed in the darkness!"

From a distance in the hills, a shadow among shadows stands among the forest line. If the figure stirred, it was only briefly, and one would think it was merely the wind sifting through the trees. Said figure eyed the fortress, heard the occasional bellow of an orc. But of course, the figure came to see the one, with the one ring. She had heard his challenge, to the earth, to men, to elves. To the very heavens.

The enormous figure in black, turned its head slowly, the black fog dashed across the air, filled with the red sparks of the volcanos of the ashen lands. Sauron jumped off from the walls...

Only to land without being bothered by the colossal height of the walls, like not even gravity could stop him. A giant figure walked in a straight line towards the woman, before fading in thin air...Like he ceased to exist. Or at least, for the eye.

The woman smirks at the scene, seeing him disappear. She does not move. instead, she closes her eyes, heightens her senses. after a moment, she knows he is now standing in front of her. "Your ring may indeed hide you Sauron, but even the most undetectable will leave a trace."

Some of the orcs have turned their eyes on her rather lecherously. All where looks she ignored. Bah, filth.

The gauntlet, sharp and shaped in a claw, was now wrapped around her chin as he materializes.

Looking down at the woman.

Confused, he finds it hard to identify her race.

He is tempted to simply burn her will, and make her confess why she's entered his territory, but instead, asks "Tell me, who dares dodging the eyes of my guard just to glare at my gates?"

She allows her head to be tipped up, and boldly meets his gaze. A small smile appears on her face. "Ah, I was glaring? I didn't think I was. To your question... I am no one." As she says this, the wind stirs slightly, then dies down again.

Leaves dance even amongst grim tidings, carefree.

"Of course, Out of my many names i suppose it wouldn't be too bad to give you one. But you already could know my name if you wished. Tell me, what is my name? Go on, go to my thoughts. I welcome you." She continues to gaze unblinkingly, and watches as he mulls over the invitation.

His hand whips across her face launching her against one of the orcs, that blinks and groans in complete confusion,

"They don't pay me enough for this..."

"Olgoth, they don't pay us."

Both watchmen ran away the second they saw the dark lord walking towards her.

"Jaslynne... What makes you think that you can challenge me with your attitude, filthy mortal?"

She'd been thrown back into the guards, who had run their smelly arses into their lord's precious fortress. She cackles as she picks herself up from the ground.

Her neck feels rather funny, and now she knows why. "Aw, Sauron. Here I came to play nice."

She reaches her hands up to her face, wrenching it to the side with a crack.

"Even you, nah, especially you, should know that not all that glitters is gold." she has cracked her neck back into place, and regards him with a gaze that is mildly amused and annoyed.

"My my, what next? are your archers gonna turn me into a pincushion?" she cackles again, brushing the dirt from her dress. "And I just got this cleaned!" she says with mock anger.

"I have little time, and little patience..." With every step that he is closer to her, a golden fog covers him more, and from the cloud of sparks, a gigantic man dressed in a white robe looks down at her.

Having adopted the form of Annatar, his orange eyes observe her from head to toe, and his golden mane wavers.

The ring glows slightly on his finger. "Hm... You refuse to die... Perfect, that gives me more to play with. Identify yourself..."

The Tower of Sauron stood behind Annatar, frowning his eyes looking at her with an absolute lack of trust.

The woman snickers at the transformation, then goes into a mocking tone, her voice saccharine sweet. "Oh what a lovely tea party. You brought guests I see. My, there's dancing too!" The woman begins to hum to herself a tune, then she picks up in her voice.

"Madness is merriment and merriment is might, when the jester comes calling with his knife in the night."

"Silence." He commanded.

As he has previously marked her, he had it easy to simply shut down the speech zone, forcing her to remain silent, "We know little about you, and so, it's going to be hard to judge if you are worthy of joining my lines..." He sat down on the recently ripped off tree, as if it was a throne.

"What have you done that can catch my eye?"

She giggles like the deranged clown she is, and begins to list off everything and anything she's done in the past few days, relevant or not. "Let's see. Ate a few brains... Installed a new arm part"-She flexes her arm, the flesh different colored compared to her other and she continues on, "I may be able to do some other things. But you give what you get. You wanna see all my abilities? Show me something worthwhile too then." There was a moment of silence, she tilted the corners of her mouth into an insane grin.

"Or I can just sneak around eating orcs all night. Your choice."

She bites her bottom lip in the thought of eating something. "Heeheeheeeheeeheee..." her giggling erupts once more.

The Dark Lord rests his cheek on his knuckle, he did not like how she wasn't taking him seriously.

And so, even knowing that she won't die, he smashes his boot onto her face breaking her neck with ease. "Hm. As your brain is dead, my marking is useless. Intelligent, I admit..."

Thoughtful, he asks- "How do you handle with a weapon?"

she snickers and straightens her neck out again, cracks and snaps here and there are heard. "I wonder what my chiropractor bill would be if I needed one. Firstly, I can wield one just fine. Secondly, I don't need it. Zombie, remember?"

She lets out a tsk before she says teasingly, "And here I thought I was the one who constantly needed brains."-

"I don't really think "Just fine" is enough with the matter in hand, could you face an elven warrior?" He started questioning.

It was frustrating, to remember how slow things were if he was unable to read her mind. He closes his fist and proceeds "Why do you dress like you intend that my orcs rape you?"

"Oh, I have done more than face elven warriors. Where, oh where, do you think my newest limb came from?" She grins evilly. "And to your second question... I dress how I please. Even if anyone where to try anything, they'd suffer horribly..." Her eyes slither over to him, still seated on the fallen tree.

"Why, jealous sweetie?" she strikes a highly provocative pose, a shit eating grin on her face.

He has literally thrown his mace into her face, knowing that she'll probably just get up again.

Acting as if it was the most normal thing in the world, he sighs, and rubs the bridge of his nose in need of patience. "Fine. Are you willing to serve me, and deal with the troops of the humans?"

She feels her face connect with his mace and laughs. She takes a breath of air in her lungs, puffing her cheeks out. The air pressure pushes her face and bones back into their normal state, but makes her look ridiculous.

She huffs, "Yeah yeah, just find me an army of mortal dumbasses to eat will ya?" She then launched into a happy whistling tune, and threw Sauron's mace back to him-

The god catches the mace in the air, letting it fall onto an Uruk's foot. The orc bounces holding his foot, cursing in an unintelligible language.

Sauron looked at her and said "You are allowed to take a century of orcs, but no Uruk. I ignore your capability to lead an army."

She points a finger and laughs at the orc with a now mangled foot, "You mistake me!" She snickers. "You always have enemies. Keep yer dogs on their leashes, find me an enemy army to eat. I go alone."

"Hm. Fine. Let's start with something easy. At the other side of the gate, a group of elves, rebels, have been giving trouble. About two dozens of mercenaries. Deal with them, and I might start to trust you."

She smiles sweetly at him. "Would you like to watch?" she asks with the playful attitude of a ten-year-old.

"You know where I'll be. Trust me, I put on a good show."

Seconds later, she is gone, trotting off to the area where he said they would be. She'd stopped a distance away, and took great care to use the tree as both her cover and her walkway. Elves can easily detect unwanted visitors.

The Tower, arms crossed, asked "Elves? Only Uruks are useful against elven veterans...Why are you sending her?"

"Well, if she is eliminated, we'll know we don't need her. If, through any chance, she manages to eliminate them, we can use her for our black operations. Leave, you have your own tasks as my Tower..."

The tower shook his head, and disappeared in a yellow light. Sauron watched from the distance, his eye able to stare directly through her, even at the huge distance.

She giggles quietly in her dark anticipation. The elves had detected her, but it turned out it worked all for the better. The whole time she'd been stalking and instilling fear into the elves, she'd been singing a creepy little song.

"Come, come, corpses have come to play."

She snatched an elf up into the trees. There was only her mad cackle and a new corpse. The other elves ran to their comrade, but where too late.

"Come, come, corpses have come to stay..."


End file.
